You know, I just looked at the time and realized its technically Tuesday, the 29th. That surprised me. I know, kinda stupid in one way, its just another day to most people. To me and those who knew her its not only Alexs (Regan and my friend) birthday, its also the day she got shot. Yep, on her 23rd birthday. It was an accident. I am over at Regans today, we're going to her grave in the afternoon to visit and say hello. Graves are for those living and left behind by loved ones who, no matter when, are taken from us too soon. You're never ready for someone you are close to to die, especially in a sudden and violent way. In one way, I wanna hold onto everyone I know and care about, hold them close and never let them get hurt or go away. In life tho, I have know he greatest gift of love is to see them live life and you can't keep someone forever. (Regan is 25 years and counting tho! LOL..joking) Sometimes I just wanna give up the fight, its too hard, there is too much remembered pain in my world, and someime I am just plain out scared. Then I remember my family: my mom and brother I need them and they need me. Extended blood family: I don't get to see them, in fact haven't in years, but we keep in touch. There is gonna be a new addition next year as well. My poly-type family: David, Kate, Stephen, Lisa, DM, Todd, Brian, Cori, John, Jojo and anyone else in the AIS group I feel close to friendship-wise. I love/like them very much. I may not always say it, or show it often, or well, but you guys mean alot to me. My friends, I refuse to name all of you for it'd take up waayyyyyy too much space: I dunno what I'd do without you guys in my life, oh hell, I'd probably already be dead now.
Life does have pain in it, and sometimes its a hell of a lot and I want to run screaming from it into the abyss, but I don't. And its because of all of you guys I've just mentioned. There is too much to live for and be a part of and to expirence with all of you guys. Yeah, bit of a morbid mood thanks to thoughts of life and death but it happens. The black cloud will soon pass me by. Boy was this a stream. ta!